you are the sky

It’s been approximately 100 years since my last post. 

Okay, it’s actually been five months. 

I’ve been struggling to find the time.  Truthfully, I’ve been struggling, period.  I can best compare it to the 18km point of a half marathon: your body is starting to shut down and your mind is screaming at you to stop, why are you doing this?

Because I chose to.  It’s not permanent.  It’s okay. 

These days, those three little truths run in my head on repeat.  As I near the end (10 weeks and counting, to be exact) of what has been a truly life-changing program at the Institute of Holistic Nutrition, I am witnessing myself digging very deep into my soul to find the energy and strength to keep going.  Juggling never-ending deadlines that come with a full-time job, classes, assignments, exams and presentations, while trying to nurture my relationships and find time for myself has gone beyond a balancing act.  It’s become an Olympic sport.  And this morning, I did not wake up feeling like a medal contender.

So, why am I writing this?  It’s not to be a Debbie Downer.  I have so much in my life to be beyond thankful for, and I make it my business to focus on that every day (see my gratitude jar post!).  I’m writing because I know that we are all struggling.  It’s what connects all of us.

And we’re all so afraid to admit it.  In writing this, I’m inviting you to give yourself permission to admit it.

Even though we might be screaming on the inside, we want to present to the world that we’ve got everything under control.  We can handle it.  We have endless amounts of time and energy.  We can get it all done.  We are superheroes.  Bring it on.  

Because admitting the alternative feels terrifying, vulnerable and maybe even shameful.  

What if we made the struggle okay?  What if we gave ourselves permission to have a total meltdown?  What if we admitted, even just for a minute, that we don’t have it all under control and we can’t do it all?  What we resist, persists.  So why not give into it. Feel it.  And then practice letting it go.  Practice changing your story around it.  Our thoughts create our reality.  All of a sudden, the struggle becomes an opportunity to grow.

Today, I made the struggle okay.  I cried.  I admitted out loud to feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and like I was unraveling.  I didn't resist any of it.  And around lunch time, I chose growth. What followed were so many unexpected and supportive gifts throughout the rest of my day. I am constantly reminded that when we choose growth, we are also choosing to open ourselves to receive the love and support that is always there for us in the form of friends, family and the universe.   This morning I was greatly supported by members of my amazing network (1,000 thank you's Mike, Mom, Natalie) who mirrored back to me that all of those feelings, while real, don’t have to be true.  Having these feelings doesn’t ‘mean' anything:  it doesn’t mean I am out of control, or incapable.  All it means is that I’ve momentarily lost perspective.  I know you have an amazing support network out there, too.  So use it.  I’m sure members of your network have leaned on you, many times.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of.  You’re a sweet soul having a human experience.  Everything you’re feeling has been felt by all of us.  There’s nothing unique about you, in that sense.  Your uniqueness lies in what you choose to do with all of it.

This is not a dress rehearsal,

xo

giving presents of presence

Holy crap.  It's December 13?!

If you're anything like me, you're wondering where the heck did 2014 go?  It's hard to believe we are less than two weeks away from Christmas and three weeks away from a new year.  This likely has many of us reflecting over the past year and starting to set intentions for a new one.  It also likely has us eating more, sleeping less and generally a little more stressed.  Am I right?!

When I think about the 'point' of Christmas and what makes me feel happy at this time of year, I think about spending time with family and friends, watching Christmas movies, going for walks to look at Christmas lights, decorating and sitting in front of the Christmas tree, listening to carols, drinking eggnog and eating my Mom's Christmas baking.  And, when I think about the reality we often face around Christmas, I think about never-ending to-do lists, writing Christmas cards, Christmas shopping, and an overflowing calendar of social commitments (usually involving a lot of food!).  I know which side is more enjoyable for me, yet I struggle to remain there: it's so easy to get caught up in the madness.  So this year, inspired by the holiday campaign for the retail company I work for, I'm really challenging myself to choose happiness: to focus on and stay grounded in what I actually love about this time of year. Could you imagine how different it would be if we all did the same?  This holiday season, I'm challenging you to give the gift of presence to yourself, and to the ones you love.

What does it mean to give yourself the gift of presence?  To me, it means slowing down and paying attention to what you need.  It means taking care of your body and your mind.  It means saying 'no' when you need to. It means nourishing your body 80% of the time with foods that your body will love you for, and making the choice to indulge in all the other foods 20% of the time without punishing yourself.  It means taking time for yourself each day to check in.  It means getting rest.  It means filling your mind with kind and gentle thoughts about yourself.  It means finding joy in every task.  It means moving your body in a way that feels right, whether it's a run, or a yoga class.  Above all, it means taking care of yourself, before taking care of others.  Because if you're not showing up for yourself, how can you show up for others?

How can you give the ones you love the gift of presence?  Ask questions, and listen to their answers.  Disconnect from everything other than your connection to the present moment. Put your phone down.  Put your work away.  Stop thinking about that email you need to send, or the argument you had with your spouse, or the crisis you dealt with at work earlier in the day.  Give that person your undivided attention.  Look them in the eye.  Make them laugh.  Resist telling them how busy you are.  Invite them to talk about their holiday experience so far.  What's troubling them?  What are they enjoying?  Listen, listen, listen.  Play with your kids.  Take your dog for an extra walk.  Say hi to your neighbor when you see them.  Spread joy.  Show up.

My guess is that we'll discover that this is the greatest gift we could give ourselves and others.  Far greater than the latest Apple product or some other must-have gift we can't afford. We all want to be heard, and to be seen.  It's really so simple to hold space for ourselves and those around us.  And it costs nothing.  Commit to it.

be here.  now.
xo